Its scary to see how things change. Y'day was a happy day but today, was a sad day.. My mom slapped me. She slapped me 9 times this morning. Said that I am a good-for-nothin. said that other people give birth to useful children but she gave to to me, a useless person- wastin resources. I walked to school, tryin to hold my tears back and trying to breathe properly.. When I reached my classroom, I juz sat down and cried so hard. I wanted to cry out loud and vent out all my unhappiness, all my frastrations. I wanted to wreck everything.  But I had to control emotions.. Like myself, my life's not mine.. Its mom's, its books', its fears', it sadness'. I feel so unfairly treated. I really dun want this life anymore, rather not have it at all..  O Levels... Pressure.. I have to pass O Level or I won't live till the nx day break. Mom thinks I dun put in effort. To her, I'm ALWAYS on the phone, I'm a failure.. I am a loser. Yeah, I am.. I lost to my life. Sad, but real.  I am a loser to my cousins.. To her friend's sons or daughters, to my own lil bro. So what? does she even cares? She breaks her promises.. She doesn't put in effort to spend time with me.. then why should I put in all my effort to be the oh-so-wonderful-and-perfect-daughter? I was dreamin.. Juz thinkin too much.. hopin that she'll watch King Arthur with me last sat, fantasizin that she'll keep her promise. Haha, well, I see that Eric stands a bigger part in her life.. What can I do? There is NOTHIN I wanna do, at all.
She brought me into this world but have no time for me. I have to pass O Levels to save face, to earn more money in the future.. Not for any happiness.. Yeah, u all say.. "when u earn more nx time, u'll be happier". Then I ask, what if I die when I'm 19? or even the day after tomorrow? YEah, I am tokin nonsense again..
I am a GOOD-FOR-NOTHINg and I derserve more slaps.. 9? isn't that too lil? A dung like me, maybe I'm not even worth the slaps.
I felt like I needed a shoulder to cry on this morning but no one was there. Alone. Alone. Alone. There, alone inside the box, freezin.