Hi, my lovely people :)
Today is Sunday and was an absolutely wonderful day.. not for me for my mom. Yeahm of cuz she had a nice time. Scoldin me for some lame stuff that is so friggin minor. And anyway, was that reason for scoldin me over lunch a reason to scold me? But since she finds pleasure in it, can I not obligue? Oh, I missed that slap from her. And lunch was deffinately great.. I had no dinner. Basically, I juz stayed at home, tried to study but cnanot study. Got screamed at. Fuck knows whats happenin.
Mom said she regrettin givin birth to me and what am I supposed to do? Be sorry? For fuck's sake, I did not ask to be born.. She give birth to me and then blames me for beong here? HellooOoo..? Is there some mistake here? I should be the one askin her, " why am I here? did I asked to be here? why must I go thru all this? what am I doin here?" ..
All the time I was in my room, starin into space. Cant't get the mood to study.. Can't sleep. I had to be in my room cuz I know for sure that if I am out in the livin room with her, she'll nv stop her nonsense which she thinks is perfectly sensible. And I would blow up. I dun wanna end up like the senerios in imagination. U know what I mean, dun u. Its like I imagined myself tellin her nasty stuff which I really am controllin and forcin back into my stomach.. retalliatin when she hits me.. , that sorta thing.
I miss those times when I am in non-existance..
Sigh... I know what u wanna say.. " maybe she is under a lot of stress.. try to understand her. Not ez being a single parent. maybe its the humid weather. Maybe she needs to vent it out.." yaya.. What I have to say for now is, " its not ez tryin to be the kinda daughter she wants. and being born, wasn't my choice"

Peace outta here.