emo not. maybe?

tonight, I lost control of my mind
and it made its way into the deep forest of wild thoughts.
all the time I wished I didn't know, didn't see and didn't hear.
I asked myself, over and over again for the thousandth time,
DID YOU or DID YOU NOT.
and ask me, why can't I just let it go
or believe you.
love, its because I'm afraid.
and its a feeling I've taught and forced myself to live with.
maybe this is a price to pay, I don't know.
tell me that this time, I am not disillusioned.
assure me that this time, I listening to the truth.
I get the strangest feeling that you're not real,
that all these that I am enjoying with you is not real.
its rather contradicting to say that I am scared to know the truth
and on the other hand, tell you that I am very frank.
but the fact is it, I am indeed not game enough for the ugly truth if
there's one.
I'm not afraid to show you how insecured I feel
but please look down on me just because I don't
believe much in myself.
I won't ask you for the favour of making me feel like how the others
felt.
all I'm askin is for you to remember me.
remember my name,
remember my smile
if I were to ever leave or you ever stray.
remember that I cried,
remember the way I kissed you.
remember, just remember me.
and don't forget that I loved you from the bottom of my heart.

I thought about it tonight,
and I realized how much I've taken our time for granted.
the times when I yelled at you like a big fat princess for the slightest thing,
the times when I refused to look at you.
I've lost those previlleges I missed.
being able to look at you is a luxury.
being able to hear you call my name is God-given.
I'm thankful, really.
after all, I'm just a really ordinary girl who doesn't even catch much attention.

tonight, I'll say this again.
you know what I wanna say -
I love you, so very much. deeply.
:)